Caffeinated Addiction

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I’m a huge fan of bands that can pull off being self referential.  Especially when they reference songs/albums/lyrics on records that happen LATER in their discography.  Queens of the Stone Age are fucking phenomenal at this.  This song in particular makes a reference to their next record.  Something definitely done on purpose.  Josh Homme has definitely had QOTSA’s music in his head for some time now.  There are quite a few tracks from EVERY RECORD THEY’VE RECORDED on the “first” record he did for them; The Desert Sessions.  He’s very clearly been working on his music for years upon years, with little to no outlets.  Until QOTSA.  I’m tempted to tell you, loyal readers, where this reference is in the song, but I’m afraid you’re going to have to work this one out for yourselves.

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I’m awake.  At 9am.  After (barely) sleeping.  This is rare.  The last time I was able to do this, I was waking up in Gainesville, FL next to a very pretty lady.  Now, I guess I can just do it on my own…?  This is an odd sensation.  Maybe I’ll actually be productive today.  MAYBE  I’ll actually get a job O.o  Maybe.  But first, it’s time to “Take 5”, have a cigarette and a cup (or four) of coffee, and get my head together.  Holy shit.  I can’t believe I’m awake.  I can’t believe I SLEPT!

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I’ve been reveling in the more relaxed and chill sounds of trip-hop and brit-pop circa 1990 lately, and then Amon Amarth dropped a new record for my earholes.  I’m thrilled.  This is their heaviest, fastest, and darkest record they’ve put out yet.  I’m instantly transported to a Viking longhouse, awaiting the next adventure filled with blood, both my enemies and my own.  I get the shivers just thinking about it.

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It’s been raining like crazy here, and I really like it.  I just feel like I’m in London when it’s gloomy, grey, and gross.  Kinda makes sense, right?

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Tonight, I’m wishing I were somewhere else.  The weather here is perfect (for me at least), but the one person I want to share it with is 900 miles away.  This song just fits everything.  I don’t necessarily want to be in Florida, nor do I want to be in Ohio.  I just want to be wherever she is.  This woman has given me my spark back.  My ambition.  At least the ambition to be a better man, no longer a lost soul.  I miss her, and really, I wish we were both somewhere else.  Together.

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Really need to find my rhythm again.  This insomnia shit’s gotta go.  I’ve been lost in a sea of sleeplessness, and I’m really starting to get sick of it.  Any of this starting to sound familiar?  My family is worried about me.  They think I’ve gone down some dark rabbithole, never to emerge into the light of day again.  I’m still here, just at different times of the day than they are.  Maybe getting a job would help… but then I have to worry about band shit… holy fuck.  I really need to get this shit together.  It’s almost been a year since I’ve had gainful employment.  This. Is NOT. Good.  Fuck, if only I could sleep… 

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I hate being stuck in the middle of friends fighting.  But no matter what, I always end up between two of my good friends when they decide it’s time to put the gloves on and go at it.  In this case, the one I know the best is very clearly pushing people away.  He’s really good at it.  For as long as I’ve known him, he’s only been capable of concentrating his good feelings into one relationship at a time.  And it’s not always ours.  He’s got this insane talent for being able to drive a wedge between himself, and those that really care about him, especially when they’re not the one person he finds himself focused on.  This kind of behavior is really hard to deal with, and in many occasions, it’s been a deal breaker for many relationships; serious, friends, or otherwise.  I really wish he could open up to more than one person at a time.  He’d leave fewer bridges in smoldering shambles if he did.  So, here’s one for him, and everyone who’s had the displeasure of dealing with his bullshit when he gets into that mode of friend-singularity.  Just remember, friends are there for a reason.  And sometimes, no matter how hard you push away, the bridge still has a tiny bit of structural integrity left…

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This is gonna be a shorty.  The title of this song is Six Days…

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I’ve been in a great mood.  But something is still… uncertain.  Like the future of my social life.  It’s like the discordance of this song.  At times, it’s the most beautiful sounding thing on the planet, like the guitar line that starts about 2 minutes in.  Other times, it’s a fucking chaotic mess.  This song is a goddamn microcosm for my life in so many ways…  Music is my life, and now the music I’m currently attached to is a mirror.  A majority of my friends have been leaning towards a pattern of desertion.  Which would throw everything else; besides the one person that puts me in a phenomenal mood, makes things beautiful again, and feels the same way about me… in a downward spiral.  Not to say I don’t still have wonderful friends, but all my best friends?  Really?!?  That’s just… unfair.  It’s a good thing I’m so good at making good friends.  I guess.  Just more people lining up to desert me, if I really want to get that negative about it.  It’s just frustrating.  I’m so sick of this fucking town’s unspoken revolving door policy.  It’s a goddamn shame, really.  I’ve lost so many good friends to my inability to leave.  Thanks, anchor.  You’re a really shitty friend sometimes.

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This is far from true, but as a good friend pointed out to me recently, it certainly feels like this sometimes.  Most of my friends have, or are leaving my Utopian little city.  Some left for Massachusetts, Chicago, Savannah; one’s leaving for Vermont, another’s leaving for California, my girlfriend lives in Florida, there’s a good chance my best friend is moving to Texas… (there are more, but I don’t feel like continuing)  I’m being deserted.  Friends are jumping ship left and right, and it really, really sucks.  I’m stuck here.  Monetarily, and contractually bound to fucking Ohio.  And this list doesn’t even include the folk I became fond of in high school and college.  I’M FUCKING STUCK.  It’s just sad, really.  So, for your ear-hole pleasure, I present Turbonegro.